George Mikes syntyi 1912 Sikósissa, Unkarissa. Mikes saapui Lontooseen (toimittajan)työnsä takia ja hänen piti viipyä vain hetkinen, mutta hän jäikin pysyvästi.
Mikesilta julkaistiin 1946 kirja, How to be an Alien. Sitä seurasi pari muuta kirjaa: How to be Inimitable ja How to be Decadent. Näistä kolmesta on julkaistu yhteisnide nimeltä How to be a Brit (Penguin 1986, ensimmäisen kerran julkaistu yhteisniteenä 1984. Minun painokseni on vuodelta 2015).
Olen lukenut niteestä toistaiseksi vain ensimmäisen kirjan eli How to be an Alien: se perustuu lähinnä manner-Euroopan ja Ison-Britannian eroavaisuuksien (ja stereotypioiden) alleviivaamiseen ja liioitteluun, irvimiseen. Kyseessä on siis huumori, expatin kärjistetyt kokemukset uudesta emä- ja sitten kotimaastaan.
En jaksa kirjoittaa (ihanaa, kun ei ole pakko!) kirjasta sen enempää, vaan lainaan minua erityisesti huvittavia kohtia. Niitä olisi ollut enemmänkin, mutta karsin.
Tee
The trouble with tea is that originally it was quite a good drink. So a group of the most eminent British scientists put their heads together, and made complicated biological experiments to find a way spoiling it. To the eternal glory of British science their labour bore fruit.
...Then you have tea for breakfast; then you have tea at eleven o'clock in the morning; then after lunch; then you have tea for tea; then after supper; and again at eleven o'clock at night.
You must not refuse any additional cups of tea under the following circumstances: if it is hot; if it is cold; if you are tired; if anybody thinks that you might be tired; if you are nervous; if you are gay;
before you go out; if you are out; if you have just returned home; if you feel like it; if you do not feel like it; if you have had no tea for some time; if you just had a cup.
Seksi
Continental people have sex life; the English have hot-water bottles.
Kieli
When I arrived in England I thought I knew English. After I'd been here an hour I realized that I did not understand one world.
The easiest way to give the impression of having a good accent or no foreign accent at all is to hold an unlit pipe in your mouth, to mutter between your teeth and finish all your sentences with the question: "isn't it?" People will not understand much, but they are accustomed to that and they will get a most excellent impression.
Kanssakäyminen
If you go out for a walk with a friend, don't say a word for hours; if you go out for a walk with your dog, keep chatting to him.
kaupunkisuunittelu
Street names should be painted clearly and distinctly on large boards. Then hide these boards carefully.
